Differences Between Split Personalities And Masks

[*Original date – 8 March 2020]

• I have both

• I have control over which masks I wear, but far less control over which personality is dominant. Different personalities can struggle to take control whereas masks are inanimate and only are active when being manipulated by a personality.

• I have at least two unique and separate personalities, but a near infinite amount of masks.

• I most likely have more (almost certain about this fact), but it’s hard to know because some personalities are aware of each other whereas some aren’t

• My ability to make masks is one of my strengths, and why I’m so good at acting

• Masks also act as a barrier to prevent others from knowing which personality is currently present

• What’s difficult about my mask making and understanding myself is that I’ve made masks to mimic specific personalities so that I can pretend to be one personality while actually being another

• I’m afraid to act because I know I have at least one evil personality that doesn’t care to work with all of the others, and he has no hesitation to trick and hurt the others to get his way.

• That’s why I never know if I’m actually doing what I want, or just being manipulated by him

• Creating masks would be acting, whereas creating personaloties is method acting

• That’s why method actors have so much mental strain and problems (I’m specifically thinking of Heath Ledger and his Joker personality). It’s hard to share the same mental space within the same body, and created personalities can often be stronger since it is more focused, less experienced, and less likely to worry about the consequences that will happen to a body that isn’t really their’s

• I think it would be beneficial to study the life of David Bowie. From what I know about him, he not only had multiple personalities based on my current understanding of personalities, but he somehow convinced them to work together to become successful. I think the key to his success is that he let divergent personalities make different music, so they all felt like they had a unique voice of their own since they couldn’t have a unique physical body of their own. And even though they didn’t have a unique body, they all had a unique look or style that helped differentiate them.

• I also think this is why I have difficulty finishing things or staying in one job/place for too long. Everything interests me because one of my personalities are interested in everything, but eventually another personality gets bored and tries to take over to do what is interesting to them.

• I also think that’s why it’s hard for me to find someone to be in a relationship with. Someone doesn’t have to just impress me, they have to impress everyone. That’s also why I think losing Hattie was so hard. My personalities didn’t just approve of her, they all loved her equally. That’s why it was so wonderful to be with her. Whenever a new personality took over, it felt like I was falling in love all over again. Even though she wasn’t perfect because perfection doesn’t exist, she felt perfect for all of us. I don’t know how it’s even possible. She is an enigma that I hope I can find again, but one that I can’t expect to find again.

• There are a lot of benefits to being so well versed with mask making and personality making. It makes me a really good judge of character because I am aware when someone is showing me a mask or their true personality. I can also create a mask of someone else and can study it in an intimate way that is normally impossible without developing a very deep relationship with them. It’s why I’m so empathetic, but also why I feel guilty because I feel like I’m invading their private areas without their consent. This is why I’m able to manipulate people, because I understand them on a level that they might not even understand themselves, and know how to best get them to act. Because of this skill, I must be responsible. I can’t use it for my own gain. That’s wrong and will eventually destroy whoever I’m interacting with.

• I think I should start naming my personalities and writing down their character traits. Then it’ll be much easier how to figure out who is acting, and it’ll make it harder for the more malicious personalities from taking advantage of me.

• Most people have multiple masks. Fewer people have multiple personalities, but more people have multiple personalities that they are unwilling to admit exist. Very few people have no masks and one personality. These people are often described as “simple minded.” (coming back to expand: split personalities are much more uncommon than originally thought. I was confusing split personalities with sub-personalities. That being said, I still think that there are more people with split personalities than are willing to admit)

• In addition to multiple personalities, there are partial personalities or sub-personalities. These would be personalities that have some unique feelings and attributes, but share a similar base with other personalities. Sub-personalities is kind of the middle point between masks and split personalities.

• I think I may be able to actively split and create new personalities. It’s basically the next/more advanced step to creating masks (*coming back to expand on this idea: I can’t actively create entirely separate split personalities, but rather sub-personalities. A total split personality is formed as a result of an outside traumatic event. I guess in theory I could create a split personality, but it would require a level of self-abuse/self-harm that would be equal to a catastrophic tramatizing event. I believe that I experienced a traumatizing event that that caused initial damage to my psyche, but years of mental self-harm allowed me to completely split my personalities as a coping mechanism because I was afraid of being “weird.” I created and developed a “normal” unique personality and developed it into what I thought the ideal “normal” person was, but for far too long I neglected my original self. If I want to get better, I need to care for this original personality who has been neglected for so long that it no longer believes it deserves to exist. I was cruel and evil to myself, which is why I’m afraid of myself. I know that I’m capable of destroying others’ identities because I’ve already done it to myself once. I’ve made a lot of progress in building up my broken self, but I still have a long way to go to atone for how I’ve treated him. I’ve already taken 20 years away from the part of me that is actually good and interesting. I’m not going to take away the rest of it by giving up and killing myself).

• A good visualization for personalities and sub-personalities is a tree with branches. (coming back: maybe more like a sprouting potato, because a branch dies when it is cut off, whereas a both the sprout and original potato can continue to grow when separated)

• I am able to get along with everyone because I let whatever personality who actually likes and understands them take over.

• A scary realization I have is that not only am I able to create new personalities, I’m able to kill old ones. I need to be careful about which personalities I kill, because eventually the remaining ones will lose faith in me.

• Maybe I have one personality who’s specific reason for existing is to create and kill personalities. This personality is incredibly powerful and must be kept in check. I may only kill personalities that not only consent to it, but also have a good reason to consent to it.

• After thinking more about the sub-personalities idea, maybe the personality that “kills” others isn’t really killing a full personality, but rather trimming off a sub-personality, like trimming the branches of a bonsai tree. Killing a fully formed and independent personality is possible, but much more difficult and will most likely result in the remaining personality being severely damages. Ironically, the remaining damaged personality has the potential to spilt again and reform into a similar personality that was just killed. The difference now is that the personality that won the first time is often times weaker due to the exaustion from the first fight. A more physical representation of this is when drug addicts relapse back into addiction)

• (Additional thought: addiction may be a manifestation of a split personality. That would explain the behaviors of addicts so much, and also prove addiction is an actual mental illness. The reason addiction is so hard to overcome is because someone you’re not aware that even exists is actively working against your from inside your head, and whenever the split personality acts out, it’s the personality that wants to get better that ends up getting punished. Eventually you start to believe that you are your addiction, and at that point the split personality has stolen control. Drugs are fun, but no one actually wants to be constantly high/drunk. The moment when getting your next fix is the only thing you can think about is the moment that your split personality has taken control.)

• Additional thought: maybe the one personality that is able to shape my other personalities is a self-actualized personality.

• Additional thought: I think this self-actualized personality appeared after one of the times I tripped on shrooms/acid. I don’t know if I created this personality. It feels more like I experienced truth, and then invited someone else in to share my mental space who would be able to explain the truth in a digestible way. Maybe that’s why I think I have all of the answers. I have more than most, but it’s my mental roommate who actually understands. He’s helping me explore the truth because he knows that truth must be discovered rather than dictated, but he keeps me safe by stopping me from going over the edge when I’m overwhelmed by the weight of the universe. He lets me live my life, but he steps in when I am weak so my evil personality doesn’t take advantage of me in my vulnerable state.

• Multiple personalities is a blessing and a curse. When we all work together, anything is possible. But when we work against each other, nothing is possible.

• Character examples that represent masks vs personalities: masks = Giorno; personalities = Doppio/Diavolo

• If I want to succeed, I must choose a dominant personality that all other personalities agree to support.

• Whenever I dissociate, my current personality leaves before a new personality is ready to take over. That’s why I feel numb, because there’s no one there to actually feel.

• One of my most useful personalities is the one that I created with no bias. It helps me see the world objectively. Unfortunately, an unbiased personality is incapable of acting since bias stems from personal wants. If you don’t want anything, you won’t do anything. My unbiased personality acts as a great advisor, but a horrible leader.

• The reason that I enjoy acid is because I feel like I don’t have to wear masks. I actually enjoy my own company and don’t feel like I have to hide it from the world.

• I think it may be possible to reconcile split personalities back into one personality, but I’m not trying to do that. I think I have the capability to support multiple personalities, and even though it is incredibly difficult, the benefits I’ve received from it feels worth it. If I can mitigate the negative side effects and convince everyone to work together, then my multiple personalities will become my greatest strength.

• Another topic to considered: fractured personalities in relationship to split personalities and sub-personalities

• The closest equivalent to sub-personalities in normal people are extreme emotions. I just give the more individualism than most.