[*Context Original date - 2 April 2020 Weed] I'm not worried about killing myself. I've put enough fail-safes to make sure it doesn't happen. But it's really hard to talk about it with other people because I am in a scary place. I'm constantly in a state of near-suicide. Every time I think "I'm going … Continue reading Suicide

[*Context Dreams from Spring 2018 Melatonin] • 4/28/2018 • I've had at least 4 vivid dreams where I've gotten a girlfriend, and just as many where I hung out with my old friends. I'm so happy in these dreams. One dream I remember feeling so calm and at peace, like I had never had anxiety. … Continue reading Dream Journal – Spring 2018

[*Context Original date - 14 June 2019 Weed] I'm on the journey to achieve spiritual enlightenment, but I'm not fully willing to let go of the physical world. This puts me in purgatory. I'm too far on the path to ever fully return, but the normalcy of my life is stagnating any spiritual growth. My … Continue reading Internal Conflict

[*Context: Original date - 11 May 2020 Sober*] Our education system is an absolute shit show. For the longest time, I thought a major factor in the decline of our education system was lack of funding. Recently I learned that America actually has one of the highest "funding-per-student" values. Although I still think the education … Continue reading Education System

[*Context: Original date: 11 May 2020 Sober]  A government bathed in corruption will create a system where the only way to be successful is to be corrupt. Even if a person begins with good and noble intentions, by the time they reach the top they either have been corrupted or will quickly be gotten rid … Continue reading Corruption In Government

• I fear things that I want • When I want, I give up part of the control that I have over myself over to that thing • By wanting something, I create a vulnerability. By not being able to control my emotions towards something, I allow it to manipulate my emotions. • I fear … Continue reading My Fear Of Want

[*Context section:I have decided to start off in the deep end of my thoughts and writing. These are more recent notes, having been written between 14 May 2020 and 15 May 2020. While writing, I was under the influence of weed, Adderall, and shrooms. I've taken shrooms before, but it had been years since.Section 1 … Continue reading Experience: Road To GEHENNA

I'm crazy, but crazy in a good way. I'm the kind of crazy that, on a whim, would drive up to a homeless man and give him my car. I'm not the kind of crazy where I would go and randomly murder a homeless man because I thought it would be easy to get away … Continue reading I’m Crazy

A journey towards self-awareness. The reason it's so hard to communicate with my other selves is that even though many of my selves are aware of each other, and we willingly share our thoughts, experiences, and memories together, looking at another self's memory is much more difficult, almost like it's blurry and faded. Remembering a … Continue reading Communicating With My Selves

[9 May 2020] • Simple constrcts vs complex contructs of being • The "structure of being" is an inner contruct created by a self/identity to house/shelter itself and allow it to grow and develop. The "structure of being" manifests itself in our physical world through one's personality. Even though we can't physically see the someone's … Continue reading “Structure of Being” Model of Personality & Identity