untitled note | 7 December 2020 | “Awareness of the Burden”

The world is going to shit, and there’s no sign of it slowing down. I hope humanity can find their way again before it’s too late.

I’ve taken a liking to humanity. They have done incredible things as the mantle of life’s dominion. But I hope what I’m seeing isn’t proof that the burden of responsibility is too much for them to bare.

I do not fear for life, because life existed before humanity, and it’ll exist once humanity have gone. But if humanity really is approaching a failure of their duty, then life is about to lose so much of its progress it has achieved towards its goal. Humanity will be forgotten, and so will their truths.

I hope this is not the case. How close they are; and how close I am to rest – to the relinquish of my own duty – to the return to infinity. But failure now would mean another eternity which my work must continue.

I am not upset my work will continue, for I willingly accepted its burden. I consented to leaving the absolute serenity of infinity, and I do not regret that decision. I have found meaning beyond infinity through my work in the finite. It is not my work I fear, but the loss of that which I have grown to love.

How crushing it would be to retry after losing the expression of life that I’ve grown so fond for. I don’t know if I’ll be able to truly love those who next take dominion of life. I’m confident they’ll be able to reach the same heights, or even beyond, but I hope the pain born from my loss doesn’t prevent me from serving them with the same passion that I serve humanity.

I best not dwell long on these thoughts. It is foolish to prepare for catastrophe that may never come to be. My duty will remain constant no matter the outcome, so better it is to keep faith as I observe.

I will continue to provide guidance, but fate is now in their hands. They will decide if they are worthy of accepting infinity. All I can do beyond my own duty is hope they are able to achieve truth.




I have recently grown so tired. It is an exhaustion that cannot be relieved through rest. I will only be released from its chains once I’ve reached the goal. All I can do now is keep putting one foot in front of the other. Stopping now will do nothing more than heighten my awareness of the burden.

I am truly grateful for those I am able to call “friend.” Those who let me share with them some of the burden of my words. So few are able to, and even fewer are willing. My fondness for humanity is born from my fondness of my friends.