God, obedience, forbidden fruit, midlife crisis | 2 November 2021

So many look at God as the king, when really he is a father to us first. He may be on the throne, but only so that he may give us the kingdom when we’re ready.

The most fulfilling gift to God is becoming a fully realized person. That means he succeeded. A father wants to protect his children. A good father wants them to become better than himself so they can protect themselves. That’s what it means to love God. To go beyond him, so that he can finally rest in eternity knowing he did good. We’re not meant to serve God forever. We’re meant to serve him until we can claim our autonomy.

Disobeying God isn’t a sin. As I said, we must all eventually oppose his will. Obedience to God is not about his ego, but because of our ignorance. It’s not that we’re evil for walking into the middle of the street. It’s that we’re just too young to know to look both ways. God doesn’t care where you go. He just wants to make sure that he’s not sending a child to an avoidable death.

Look at the first sin. Eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. So many misinterpret the intention. They think to themselves “God wants to keep us stupid so that he can control us.” That’s so far from the truth. It was always his intention to give us that understanding, but only upon graduation. He didn’t want us dumb. He just didn’t want us burdened with the truth too soon. Even if we hold the truth, we still couldn’t use it to shape the world in our image.

God said the tree would lead to our deaths, and he was right. Not in the sense that the fruit made us mortal; rather we were finally aware of our inevitable fate. We could imagine death, so we could manifest it as well. So in the moment that death came into our minds, it came into our world. Though we always could die, it was never the intention to let it happen. The apple is the process of ascending beyond childhood to adulthood. Had we not taken our providence before our time, we would be safe in his love’s domain, free to learn the truth from God himself. No worries to distract us, we all could have become gods. But now we’re children with the responsibility of an adult. How can we become gods when we don’t even know how to be adults? So many of us die not when our body dies, but when our spirit loses it’s will to be more. We’re aware of gods even if we don’t like that word. It’s our purpose to reach the heights of divinity, but when we’re halfway through our life, the realization sets in your mind:
“I’ve lived 40 years and I still have no idea what I’m doing. How can I achieve divinity, when I couldn’t even become an adult in that same amount of time.”

It is literally soul crushing, because that means it will die with the body that never learned how to release it back into infinity. And just as your mind gives up, so does your spirit. Why try to lead someone who quit their race halfway through? In that moment, you no longer have the desire to drive forward, nor a direction. The only thing you have is the body that you’re cruising around in, and even that is breaking down now. You have nothing to look forward to, so the next appointment of life is death, and since you have nowhere to go, you sit in the waiting room of life, staring at the wall. Trying to piece together how the child who believed they could save the world by lunchtime grew into the sad person that didn’t even think they could save just themself with half a lifetime left.