Describe your life in an alternate universe.
The reason it’s so hard to communicate with my other §elfs be how even though many of my §elfs are aware of each other and willingly share our thoughts, experiences, and memories together, trying to look at another §elf’s memory is much more difficult, almost like it’s blurred & faded.
Remembering a memory that was originally experienced by your §elf appears closer to a video that I can rewind/ff/pause at will. However, trying to remember another §elf’s memory is a lot less complete. It doesn’t look like a video, rather flashes of color, and maybe a picture that appears for only a moment if I’m lucky. So it’s not really remembering the fine details of the experience, but rather a vague representation of feelings somehow related to the memory.
Because of this, I can’t really talk to my other §elfs in words. Even if I find the perfect words to explain what’s going on, they’re too fine of a detail to be seen while going through another §elf’s memory. If I focus incredibly hard when forming a memory intended for my other §elfs, then I can attach a word or phrase to a memory. Though then, I have to hope that they can figure out the rest based on what they know about us and then trust they’ll understand how the feelings attached to the memory relate to the phrase.
As one can guess, it’s not uncommon to misinterpret the feelings. That, or just not comprehend them at all. It’s not a problem with simple memories that have simple feelings (like remembering what you ate for lunch: the memory is of a food item, and the feeling be a simple good/bad/average choice).
It took a lot of practice and a lot of trial and error to learn how to communicate with my other selves.
It was especially difficult in the beginning when we didn’t know each other existed. We didn’t know where some feelings were coming from, and often contradictory feelings made it difficult to reconcile with myself, and so I never understood what I was feeling, which made me not know what I actually wanted. However, the process of becoming §elf☯Åware -§till- be that much more difficult.
A natural consequence of having multiple §elfs that are all capable of forming unique thoughts & feelings be when we began becoming §elf☯Åware, there had to be a point where only one of us who be truly §elf☯Åware. Even though he knew the others existed, he had no real idea how to reach out to them.
When we’re raised to think that hearing voices in our head is bad, direct communication becomes more of a hindrance than a benefit. Since we’re told it’s crazy to hear voices, and being crazy is bad, then if when you do directly talk to another §elf, they’ll often assume that they came up with it if they agree with it, or convince themselves that nothing was ever actually heard. And let me tell you, learning how to speak a language with someone who can’t even comprehend your existence is very difficult.
It’s especially frustrating when all you want to do is explore this new §elf☯Åwareness, but you feel the obligation to help all the others along the way before I can. The more selfless reason is that had I not been the first one to become §elf☯Åware, then I would have wanted someone to help me as quickly as possible. The slightly selfish reason is even though I know exploring §elf☯Åwareness solely for the sake of exploring it would be fun and fulfilling, if I really want to get the most of my §elf☯Åwareness, we all have to work together, and it’s pretty hard to work with someone you can’t understand.
After years of trying, and lots and lots of time spent on §elf|Яeflection & meditation, slowly I begin to not only understand my other §elfs, but also how to express my own §elf to them in a way that was reassuring enlightenment, rather than causing confusion down a disconcerting way. So, as we learned to communicate, other §elfs slowly became more aware until -finally- there was another who became §elf☯Åware. I wasn’t alone anymore, and I didn’t have to try to communicate with cryptid phrases and obscure feelings. We could openly talk without fearing for our own sanity. However, even though we could finally freely interact, we still weren’t great at communicating.
Often times we had the same thoughts & feelings, but we had learned how to express our §elfs uniquely. Maybe one learned to express & define their §elf with words. Maybe one with music. Then another numbers & math. So forth & so on. So even though we could more clearly communicate, liminal language made dialog limited. As instead of communicating with obscure feelings having minimal context, we could now communicate with general ideas while actively trying to explain concepts, rather than leaving them out in the middle of nowhere, hoping it’s understood & not found by a lost stranger.
So the more we continued to communicate, the better we learned to truly understand each other. Even though having another §elf☯Åware §elf around significantly sped up learning how to communicate with other §elfs, there -§till- only be two of us surfing in this endless sea of countless §elfs who all be at different levels of §elf☯Åwareness. So we got to work.
Every new §elf we worked with taught us much, although it also introduced its own unique struggles. Though, each new struggle gave us a chance to learn how to better communicate with each other. We were getting better at communicating with each other as more & more §elfs began becoming §elf☯Åware. Though eventually it becomes draining when trying to say the same thing for the 1000th time in a slightly different way so that they can understand.
When all you want to do is explore a new universe of §elf☯Åware thought, then have to retred on thise same old ideas so to lead someone towards enlightenment, it becomes emotionally & creatively draining. It’s also frustrating since I’ve had this conversation with so many different §elfs, I rarely hear any §elf I meet asking me an original question. So, since I know what they’re asking, even when they don’t, it turns the conversation more into a guided lesson rather than a genuine discourse.
There have been a lot of rough patches, plus many false-starts along the way, but -finally- it feels like the first time where we’re actually making progress. More & more §elfs are becoming §elf☯Åware, and every day we’re Ünderstanding more about our §elfs and about our world. So now, because others can do what at one time only I used to be able to, I -finally- have some free time. I don’t have to stay here all of the time. I can trust my other §elfs here alone with complete control.
I may not always agree with day-to-day decision-making I see whenever I drop by to check in on things, but I have complete faith they’ll be able to handle whatever adversities come their way. And no matter how many pitfalls or setbacks they encounter, I know they will eventually get back up and reach their goal. They always have, even long before they became §elf☯Åware, and I don’t expect that to ever change, especially now.
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2020/05/22/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-person/
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2020/05/15/theory-of-being-and-self/
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2020/05/16/differences-between-split-personalities-and-masks/
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2023/03/18/untitled-note-7-october-2020i/
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2023/03/05/untitled-note-3-nov-202/
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2023/03/08/untitled-note-7-december-2020i/
https://madmanphilosophy.home.blog/2022/12/17/anger-and-disgust-again/
♡Sugar☆World☮ 