untitled [13] notes | 25 June 2021 | “everything but myself”
[I]
"I love you"
2
"I care for you"
[II]
I had no idea how bad
my trauma still is
I've had so many times
"come to terms"
with pain and loss
But then
the next time
always
reminds me
of the massive
Misery – threatening
my sanity, making Me scary
[III]
I Am doing oh~so much better
But I Am still overwhelmed
& how easy it is to be
Thrown off balance
It takes
All I Am
2 regulate
These feelings
But even though
It's overwhelming
The fact that I Am
.
.
.
"At least I'm not numb"
[IV]
And now that I Am
not trying to get
my Life together
for her - I can
start getting
my life back
together for
Me
I should have been the entire time
from the very beginning, but
I've always done things
for others rather
than myself
Children are too young
to begin sacrificing
themselves for some
"greater good"
[V]
§üM∿self has
-just- now
Åscended
&
his protégé
l - not 1
has taken his new place
N§ide öF Enlightenment
He is looking to make
an immediate impact
[VI]
Maybe I could find someone
else to talk with if
I just stopped
talking to myself
...
Am I relying
on you too much?
Am I taking
more of you
than I have
any right?
I wanted you
all to myself
how selfish
to try
to steal
your beauty
from the world
We became so close - so
strong the connection
that our spirits
began to intertwine
and combine like a design
I gave myself to her
&
She gave herself to me
But what now?
Can thing just
go back to normal?
Is it ok we spend
so much time together?
Will our spirits
remain one, or
will they be
sheered apart?
Do we need to take
ourselves back
from each other?
How would we
even do that, and
what would it look like?
I still have a lot
of growing up to do
A true man
isn't a slave
to wants; he is
it's Master
He does not fear
desire; respects it
I can do neither
I fear my wants
because I lose
myself when I
give into
Desire
I've said
happiness
for her is
what I want
most - and I
still believe
But I wanted her
oh~so bad - I was
willing to hurt her
I don't think
I Am ready for
a relationship
until I figure
out how not to
hurt the 1s
I love
[VII]
Have Ü noticed?
How timing never
seems to be right
until you realized
it had been perfect
timing leading up to
1 point specifically?
[VIII]
It is such
a bizarre
feeling
That part of me
that was madly
in love with
Her
Has moved on
from this world
She was his purpose
& so he no longer had
an anchor to this world
And now there's Me
I inherited this mess
This place is filled
with love meant for
Her
&
Her alone
[IX]
So did I ever
really believe
she'd choose me
over him? Or was
that the birth of
the lie to myself?
[X]
My love for her
grows everyday
and I don't mean
it in the romantic
or poetic way
Genuinely, I Am
experiencing
the birth of
new love of
Her
I notice
the moment
when my heart
|
–Stops–
|
as does my entire
world around me
I never get bored
of talking with you
because I will always
have more love for you
I Am -still-
experiencing
it right now
I was worried
but now my love
actually grows
far greater
But there is
a difference
to this love
It is now
an absolute
Love
Most love
is dependent
on the relationship
between the two people
and therefore changes as
the relationship does
But an Absolute Love
like mine cannot
be manipulated
by persons
I'll Love you
absolutely
no matter Whö
we become, but
I will give it
to you whichever
way will bring you
the most happiness
[XI]
It’s so lonely
I just feel like
those Residuals
of his Fears &
Desires or of
his Virtues
&
Vices
His jealousy
of what was
never his
His anger
at his weakness
to let go
His shame
in yet another
failure
The only time
I experience fear
there's nothing there
to actually be afraid of
So maybe it's not
that I have fear
of the monsters
that I can see
Maybe it's that
I fear those monsters
hidden deep inside of me
and my infinite ignorance
Or maybe it's because
I feel a monster in
the empty room and
I wondet if it's
the one in me
[XII]
I decided: to deal
with these feelings
by never having them
A bad idea when
I no longer have
an option anymore
[XIII]
I Am so tired
of experiencing
the process alone
Why am I afraid
that every text
from her will B
Her Last?
I can
believe in
everything, but
my own self
♡Sugar☆World☮ 