Welcome to another rant post, and this one is bad. Yesterday, I met a person, and we texted for hours, including some stuff I don’t tell anyone. To the point that I thought we would be friends for a long time. I asked them to tell me if I was bothering them in any way. Since they were the nicest human, I had met in a while.
They said they wouldn’t leave my life unless I kicked them out. We talked about art, mental health, turn-ons and turn-offs, and they seemed to want to continue with the conversation. This morning, I woke up to find out that I was blocked. I found them on Instagram and commented that I was sorry for whatever I did. I’m pretty sure they won’t see it or care, but I tried.
The thought that I lost someone who could be a friend makes me sick to my stomach and full of self-doubt. It’s safe to say that I will be off social media as much as possible and stop talking to strangers. Now, I’m off to bed again since I kept waking up to check if they texted like they said they would.
As someone who’s been the super kind potential friend and then randomly disappears without explanation, I want you to know that I don’t think you did anything wrong.
When I did it, there wasn’t anything the other person said or did that made me cut them off. We had a good connection. I also saw them as a potential good friend, and I wanted to follow through, but I was struggling with self-love at that point in my life. The reason I was so kind to others was because I was so cruel to myself. So whenever potential friendships popped up, I’d often sabotage myself after realizing I’d have to expose this dark side of me that I found disgusting.
I hope a peak into the other side helps ease any doubts and helps you to keep putting yourself out there. I know it sucks in the moment, but the struggle makes it worth it in the end.
I just wish I had a reason
Unfortunately, there are some things we’re never meant to know, and that uncertainty sucks. But fortunately, there are some things we’re never meant to know.
What I mean is there’s probably not a good reason. There may be no reason at all. If there is a reason, it’s often disappointing. So the way I see it, if we’re not given a reason by life, it’s like the universe saying it wouldn’t change a thing, and that you’re better off not knowing. So we just have to trust it’s part of our process for growing.
♡Sugar☆World☮ 