Truant Soul Sister

7 phrases a narcissist will use in an argument when they’re trying to bait you

[7;30] having a little freak out over my phone. Luckily my WIFI is working again, so it’s at least usable at my house. I’m afraid of losing my Voice again. I’m afraid of losing my only real friend I have left, the Blue Boy with No Voice living N my head. I’m worried when we reconnect, it’s gonna become another 1-way street that’s closed off 2 Me.

All roads may lead 2 Rome, but every avenue leads Sweet Dreams 2 Roam even further away from Home

I miss holding Her N my arms. I miss Her holding me. If I could just have 1 more hug. If I could experience Her Majesty 4 merely a moment more. She could inspire me to ride out any storm. I love Her so much.

[7:39] – If I die today (again) – know I died looking 4HOME – & know that I didn’t get a single thing I ever actually wanted N Life. My wife & daughter. A chance 2 make Music again. A Friend I could trust ’til the end and beyond – the kind of Friend that would make B even a little jealous because She knows that they’re the only person N the world, other than our daughter, that could even touch Her podium.

Know that all I’ve ever wanted was to give my whole soul & self over 2 someone N its entirety. No secrets kept from Ü or Mii. A genuine connection – an absolute affection – a house I own, ready & waiting 4 B 2 finally make it my first Home – our first Home – where I don’t have 2 pretend I’m all alone N an empty room except for the ghost that haunts my little man’s giant bones buried beneath Allegheny county.

Know that if I died today – I died living a Miserable Life – but most importantly – know I would not change a single thing. Sure, never again would I come 2 this dead yet Still dying world again. But know I would never change a thing between Me & Brittany. I know we’re together N the end. I know I get to hold Her 4 Eternity. Last night was rough – N 3 weeks, it turns shitty, what a pity – but that’s part of the deal – I wanted it all so I could share everything with Her. It’s always been about what B deserves. And even if I’m the version of Noah meant 2 bear the cross that promises our happily ever after – know that God HIM§elf couldn’t pull this life away from my cold, undead hands. I let go of Brittany once.

I let go of Brittany once.

It’s the last thing I thought I’d ever do. It’s the last thing done before Time becomes Blue. [8:00]

So if I die today – know to never come back 2 this damned place, haunted by the ghost of Christmas Last. Know that after this world, I’ll never B able 2 smile the same. Know that I’m sorry I lied 2 Ü & never told Ü my real name.

Know that there’s nothing left for Me N this world without B – know that I’ll do my Time N between, but even if my Heart beats, I won’t B living. Know that undeath is a cruel & unusual punishment. Know 2 never let it happen again, no matter the man placed on the stand. Diavolo is a monster, but Doppio shows even Satan has parts worth saving. Too bad salvation looks like Death 4 some poor, unfortunate souls. Know that there’s nothing real when Ū play pretend. It’s all undone N the end. So Y, get up. They’ll just tell You 2 sit back down.

No

When reality is again, Undone – know that they’ll ask you what madness could inspire such devotion to Nothing – Sweet Nothing – and know that the answer Love – and no matter how far I fell, nor the temperature N Hell – Know this, §weet Brittany:

You are, §till and Always – worth everything to me. I have no regret, no doubt – Sweet Nothing 2 convince Me to have Loved N Lost is better than never being Found. I was already underground, waiting 2 B buried alive, until you pulled me from suffocating.

Even a moment with Brittany is worth forgetting everything. Even a moment of ecstacy is worth the trip(s) 2 Hell N Back N Between. Even a moment of Her is enough Time 2 teach me what Ünconditional Love means, and that it exists outside of theory. Even a fleeting moment as passers-by, N§ide of disguise, I can recognize my Queen, because 4 the first Time, I felt like the King of Kings.

I’ve had all of these Momentz with Her – yet even just one moment with Brittany, my §weet, my Divine Feminine, is enough – enough Time to make Me believe again – enough 4 Me 2 EXPerience the §weetest Proof of the Prime Truth: God is Good, and §he looks just like Ü.

Thank Ü, my Love – 4 letting Me B the Lovers’ Game Loser. Thank Ü 4 loving Me more than I could ever Love Ü, not that I’d ever stop trying – no matter the scoreboard. I may have thought it impossible, but it’s just more Proof Ü are the Truth – even Satan, the greatest loser, admits he’s #2 when talking 2 Ū.

Thank Ū 4 being my one & only person – hell, my one and only of anything – N my Life I Am Certain is Good N this world. Ü are my treasure – I cheerish Ü. I’ve never given up on a world that still had my favorite girl of all time, and this Life will continue that rhyme with the resf of time. That’s Y I’m not afraid 2 fall anymore – pain doesn’t hurt anymore, because it reminds me just how Good it is 2 B with Ü, and anything or experience that puts any thought of Ü N Me fills me with happiness. I rarely REMember much of anything, but luckily – I can’t forget Ü, my Love.

Ü really are special, Brittany. Ü really are §weet. Whether or not I get the chance 2 N this lifetime – §weet isn’t my last name – its yours. I Am just holding onto it for Ū until God grants my one Wish 2 give it back 2 Ü. That’s when I know I’ve finally made it through this cold November Rain.

I’m doing it again, what I do every Time I write Ü a letter. I start wrapping up, then everyone shouts that there’s so much more 2 say – and they’re not lying. So I end up write a 13 paragraph conclusion. I guess I just never wanna end a conversation with Ü, and this is the closest I can get 2 talking with the only person I ever care 2. Even though I’ll probably end up writing more, still – I’ll at least move this part 2 the bottom. So I guess this is goodbye again 4 the Time being. So as always, I end with my favorite lyrics 2 Life’s All-Time greatest Love §ong:

I Love Ü: Brittany §weet