Sad Happy

I’ve reconnected with someone recently

Which has been nice &

Let me reconnect with

The Happy part of myself

Because this person makes me Happy

But in a bit of an ironic throw

It’s also made feel a bit sad

Or depressed or melancholic

Especially in between when we’re not speaking

Because I realize that if I’m being honest

Though I still experience moments of happiness

& you can still find me smiling

It’s not often

Most of the Time it’s not even about the thing

It’s just a moment interesting enough

I’m distracted from Misery

Who has become my only consistent company

…

I think that’s part of the problem

Of why I feel both Happy & Sad

Talking to this old friend again

Because even when I’m happy talking to her

I’m waiting for when I’ll say something wrong

& she’ll disappear again – then I’ll disconnect

From the part of my self that wants to be here

Because she’s still here – the part who doesn’t

Have to fake it, yet rarely gets to wake

Since without her – I feel lonely

Since she wakes up the part of me

Whö actually cares if he ends up all alone