This isn’t the main reason, y, though, I’m realizing there is a desire buried in my want for a daughter specifically. I’ve always wanted kids, and would love a son, but my wish has always been for at least a daughter. I’ll skip what I was gonna say there, but I will mention I once had this fear, or almost pre-guilt, that if I did have a son, then he’d feel left out since all of my writing mentions my daughter…
So, though it wasn’t my initial intention, I’d like to dedicate this thought to my potential future son, so he knows that I still thought about him, even if he never comes to be.
This post won’t be about him, but hopefully give a glimpse as to why it might seem like she’s my favorite, even though, truly, I love you both dearly…
I’m gonna try to recollect myself and try to get back to the point I was gonna make, though I wanna mention, this post just became a lot more special than I imagined, so…I don’t really know how to describe what I’m feeling… maybe this is Happy…
Though, once again, trying to get back to the point. Like I said, there’s a lot of reasons I want a daughter. This may be the cheesiest reason, but my favorite Anime is Clannad, so I always imagined my family as the main character’s family…
Though, I’m gonna get to the reason I mentioned at the beginning; the deeper desire that I’ve only become aware enough of to write down. My journey with my gender identity/fluidity is very important to me. There are a lot of journeys I’m on at the moment, but that one is particularly special to me. Hannah has always been there….
So, why is that important? I’ve felt like both a boy & a girl, as long as everywhere in between. But the thing about being born a boy to the outside world is that they don’t really let you do “girl” things, so I never got to explore the parts of me that feel like “Hannah.”
I know they’re little things, but I’ve always wanted to learn how to do makeup & hair. I know there’s more to being a girl than that…
[I was listening to this, and that’s where it ended. I’m gonna try to finish this quick. I’m almost there].
I know there’s more to being a girl than looking “pretty.” I’m not trying to put women in a box. I know this girl who hates how a product becomes “feminine” by making it pink. I like… you know what, I’m getting off topic.
I’m not trying to say, “girls are makeup & hairdos.” It’s just that learning how to do makeup & hairdos is something I wasn’t allowed to do because I was a boy, so “makeup & hairdos” are symbolic for me finally getting to explore this part of me whom I love, yet, for the longest time hid out of fear of how the world would hate Us…
& so to actually get to thar “deeper desire” to have a daughter. I really wanna take makeup & hair classes, always have, but have been afraid I’d be seen as this weirdo who is somewhere he doesn’t belong. But if I had a daughter, suddenly that “weirdo” becomes a “hero” who’s going the extra mile for his kid, when really I’m doing it just as much for the kid in me as the kid Ey3 C…
♡Sugar☆World☮ 