I’ve had a strange relationship with my appearance.

I like how I look; wouldn’t change a thing, though, sometimes the world convinced me i wanted to. I have a vivid memory I’m realizing is one of my Traumas i refuse to let go of due to the fact I almost made a regret rather than a mistake…

The memory is of me contemplating cutting my eyelashes off. I must have been like 7 or 8, maybe younger. I shouldn’t have had scissors, nor should they have been anywhere near my eyes…

The reason why is that, even as a child, I’ve possessed what this world would consider conventional beauty from their perspective. Particularly my eyes: vivid blue with long eyelashes; every girl’s “sweetest dream…”

Lil’ boys aren’t supposed to attract that kind of attention from older women…

Anyway, constant bombardment of envy & jealousy disguised as compliments & attraction: “you have such long eyelashes for a boy! You’re so lucky, I wish I had them. Girls have to try so hard with mascara, yet yours just Pop!”

…

I’m glad I didn’t let the sensation of rape repression convince Mii that Ey3 was the problem…

…

That took a long tangent from my original thought. Let’s see if I can bring it back a little from that particular perspective.

I guess that tangent acts as a manifestation of my relationship with my appearance. I like the way that I look because it looks like me; yet, others like the way that I look because they either wanna be me or fuck me. Its very uncomfortable. Why do they wanna me when they could be “Whö I Am” really…

That started veering away from the point again…

What I’m saying is that I like how I look, but I’ve never really cared for the fact that I happened to be born somewhere where how I look is considered “attractive.”

I just wanna be left alone…

That being said, I do find value in being conventionally attractive; just trying to make some lemonade outta my silver linings…

There are 2 main reason I might consider …”liking” being seen as beautiful by most.

1, my words aren’t special; well, they are to me, but that’s not what I mean. Everything I’ve said has been said before. Socrates be the 1stnposer… anyways; what I mean is that anything you find here can be found elsewhere in the world, but humans have a talent at being distracted. I believe people would benefit, but from my words, but the echoes of truth that are repeated throughout all times.

Long story, short: being attractive..