Anger And Disgust (Again)

[*Original date – 11 March 2020]

• I hate myself because I can’t save the world, but then I hate myself more for being so arrogant that I think I could possibly save the world. But then I double down to improve myself so that I can save the world, but then the process just repeats itself.

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• I’m a fucking joke. How can I save the world when I can’t even save myself?

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• I don’t even know if I really want to anymore. At this point, I want to the world to burn, and I want to die along with it.

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• I’m waiting for everything to collapse so that I can pick up the pieces and build it in my image. I’m done trying to protect the world from its inevitable self implosion. Just let it happen and let the worthy try to rebuild. I don’t even care if I’m one of the ones left over. I’ve wanted to die long before this ever materialized.

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• This is what happens when generation after generation chooses the easy and comforting lie rather than the hard truth. We’ve built our society on a crumbling foundation, and now we’re acting surprised when it’s collapsing under its own disgusting weight.

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• For some reason I’m the bad person for wanting to leave this disgusting existence we call life.

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• All I want to do is explore death, but for some reason I’m forced to continually suffer in a toxic world because others are so selfish that they want me to stay around like a miserable animal locked in a cage. If they didn’t want me to kill myself, they should have tried harder to make the world a place worthy living in. I’ve given up on my happiness, but they still expect me to stick around and play the part for their sick and twisted fantasy.

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• We’ve been aware of these problems since history has been recorded. I’m tired of the world relearning the same lessons over and over and over again. All it does it wait for evil to take hold and then ask for those greater than them to save them from their sin and arrogance.

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• People who claim that they don’t understand how God can let such horrible things happen to us are fucking idiots. I don’t understand how he can keep giving us chances. If anything, he should have killed Noah along with every other person during the flood. Humanity continues to prove that we’re incapable of learning. We’re all just stupid animals who deserve to be slaughtered for thinking they were gods.

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• Every time we create something wonderful, we pervert it to the point that an even greater evil spawns. We have enough resources so that everyone can live happily, but we’ve decided that living happily isn’t enough. Instead we only decide we have succeeded when we are better and happier than everyone. But instead of improving ourselves to be better, we ruin the lives of everyone else because we’d rather destroy the lives of everyone else rather than put in any effort to improve ourselves.

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• Anyone who is surprised by our current state of events is a fucking idiot. We all knew what China was doing. We all knew what a America was doing. We all know what every corrupt government was doing, or at least we should have. All the information was there, but for some reason, even though we have the tools to prevent evil, we’d rather just be comfortable. We think our phones and computers are more important than the lives of the people who make them.

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• Everyone is so goddamn self-righteous it’s sickening. Anyone who looks in the mirror and doesn’t see a disgusting monster is lying to themself.

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• I’m done. I don’t deserve anything good. If I somehow live through all of this, I’ll do whatever I can to help the next generation since it’s not their fault that they’re born in such a shitty world that we’ve created with our greed, arrogance, and stupidity. But as far as I’m concerned, everyone deserves the hellfire that is on its way.

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• I’m tired of holding back. From now on, I’m going to let everyone know how shitty they really are. We bathe in evil, and the world reeks because of it.

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• I’m tired of improving myself while the world sits in its own shit of mediocrity.

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• They’ve decided their comfort is the most important thing. As far as I’m concerned, every American is just as evil and corrupt as the politicians that run the place. How can we complain about how we’re treated when we treat the world with just as little respect? At least the top 1% aren’t even pretending to not be evil anymore, which is a lot more than I can say about the rest of us.

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• I keep torturing myself because I see how much I benefit from the evil of others. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m just as evil for letting the evil propagate.

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• The gift of life is wasted on me and everyone else.

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• Is there even a point to starting over? All that we happen is the same things that have happened throughout history. We never learn, and I’m almost convinced we never will. Greater minds have come to this conclusion, so who am I to say otherwise?

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• I’m tired of working with the arrogant imbeciles of the world. That’s why I like children. They’re as dumb as adults, but at least they don’t pretend like they aren’t. Learning hurts, but they want to learn anyways because they want to better themselves without even knowing it. Adults want the benefits if learning without the pain that comes with it, so they’ll cut corners anywhere and everywhere.

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• I’m tired of sacrificing myself for those who don’t deserve it. I respect Jesus so much that I wanted to be like him, but I’m reaching my limit. I don’t know how he did it. He somehow kept seeing beauty in the most disgusting people. He was the greatest among us, and his reward for it was the most gruesome death imaginable.

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• I don’t want medicine because I don’t think I’m the one who’s sick. The world is sick, and I don’t want to trick myself into living in a sick world anymore. I just need freedom to actually breathe the air that isn’t filled with the toxicity of man.

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• What’s frustrating is that I know I have a counterargument to every negative comment here. That’s why I haven’t killed myself. This is just the first time I let myself vent without trying to convince myself otherwise. Just because I know I’m not right doesn’t mean I’m wrong either. I can’t give up, but I can’t keep trying on behalf of everyone else either. There are plenty of reasons to save the world, but it can’t happen until everyone else realizes that too.

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• The reason I smoke weed so often is that it dumbs me down enough that a conversation with they average moron doesn’t hurt so much that I want to kill myself

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• It’s physically painful to be this smart. That’s why I have such a short temper, and the littlest things set me off. I’m already struggling under the weight of my mind, and every little annoyance is just the straw that breaks the camel’s back

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• That’s also why medicine will only cover up my problems instead of fixing them. No matter how much I do to take care of and better myself, everyone else remains painfully idiotic.

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• What’s even more frustrating is what idiots think you’re stupid because their idiocy is so dumbfounding that you don’t even know where to start to correct them.

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• If I don’t want to become what I hate, I need to keep moving forward, improving myself with every step. It won’t be fun, but at least it’ll be good.