What’s a word or phrase that annoys you?
This is really an incredible question for someone like me and my relationship i have with words…
I could probably write books about…
Whatever, that’s not important right now. Let’s just say, when I first saw the question, I thought I’d spend ages trying to explore all the words inside me so I could pick just 1 phrase that would become… this
Luckily, I’d been meaning to write about this particular experience i had with this phrase growing up; so I’m searching for a nucleation point for this post, these words quickly bubbled to the top:
“Man up”
As I write those words, I’m realizing I’m not quite sure how much I want to unpack the meaning of those words to me specifically
How deep into the bottomless pit before I give up & quit…
Whatever
I think I’ll just do quick snippets to act as place-holders for the story, so those who actually care to learn about me can have something to grasp onto when looking for answers…
Anywho
Tne words were said to me by my older cousin when I was young; I don’t actually remember our ages, but I was around 8, and he was around 18; i don’t actually remember how much older he is than me; just that he made quite a poor male role model…
That’s the main hook behind those words. I didn’t know why back in the day, but those words triggered me like no other. Legitimately traumatized me; frustrating to know he was genuinely trying to “help” a fag like me…
Whatever
It wasn’t until much later i realized why those words fuckimg drove a dagger through my heart. I don’t think these words formed exactly as I’m about to say them, but lil’me definitely felt the sentiment:
“[…]”
There’s supposed too be something there. I’ve decided to keep that private to my self.
I will say the realization as to why those words affected me so; later in life, I realized I’m Trans. I’m not gonna go into my explanation, just that when you’re trying to hide who you really are, and being exposed & discovered feels like a Death Sentence, hearing the words, “Man up” is basically the equivalent of hearing…
I’m gonna keep that private for the moment as well.
♡Sugar☆World☮ 