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I’m reminded of an odd memory. Not so odd, in retrospect, though i remember in the moment, even if not fully aware of it, since, you can’t really know you’ll remember something until after the moment has passed, and yet, I’ve seemed to familiarize myself with the feeling of being remembered…

Anywho

The memory was…an uncomfortable conversation to discuss. It was only a small snippet of the conversation going on through the night; it was one of the few times I actually went out with friends; well, went out with my friends and a bunch of people who I didn’t know anything about other than they were his friends, too…

Whatever,

The small snippet of the conversation revolved around porn. That’s not the uncomfortable part; I’m not 12 anymore…

Anyways, there was this girl who made a statement how “rape porn” should be illegal. Not videos of people being raped; 2 consenting adults playing pretend with a safe word.

A lot of “normal” porn is rape; i don’t have anything against porn in pure theory. I just can’t find myself to look at it anymore. Like, you’re not a bad person for touching yourself to colors & shapes that stimulate your monkey brain. It’s just, I’ve become far too aware of the words behind those colors & shapes to feel…whatever, Nevermind

So, she said it should be illegal. I often get pulled into the “devil’s advocate” role, unfortunately. From a philosophical standpoint, it’s not really about the subject matter, and about the object. Porn is porn. If you’re ok with some porn, then you reach a point that makes you uncomfortable, you’re just drawing a line in the sand that will disappear the moment you’re not there to care.

Someone else drew their line before yours; does that make them a better person? Maybe they’re just weaker than you?

Tell yourself whatever story makes you happy.

Anyways, I’m gonna try to finish this quickly since I’m still dealing with my own shit.

I backed down pretty quickly. It’s not a good look for a man to defend rape in front of a woman, even if that perception is purely misconception…

It’s just that, I’m realizing, or at least accepting after blocking it out for so long.  .I really do …

No one can tell me what I can and can’t say