[Feburaru 2]
I remember reading somewhere a woman feels like a mother the first time she sees the ultrasound, or maybe it was the first time they feel a kick, whatever… either way, they become a mother early, at least relative to men. Since, from what I’ve heard, a man doesn’t feel like a father until he first holds his baby.
Hearing that fact even as a child, it kinda made me anxious & depressed, though I didn’t know those words yet. Since, even as a kid, I wanted to be a dad. So, hearing that there’d be 9 months where I’d be having a 9 month panic attack waiting for this thing that I know I’m supposed to love, but at the moment, is just making the love of my life struggle more & more.
…
My mind is kinda racing right now, because this is something I’ve thought about for a long time. Since I was like 12 or something. So, there’s a lot that I could say, but I don’t know a really good way to order it in a coherent way.
So I guess I’ll just mention the 2 main thoughts that reminded me of this odd struggle I’ve quietly faced. The first was about a scene from Monty Python’s “Life of Brian,” where they’re complaining about the Romans suppressing the jews, and among all the actual complaints, one man says he wishes he could have a baby. It’s a really funny scene, really…..
emoh 